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Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Updated: Dec 14, 2019

Why do we throw parties around fashion faux pas? Ugly sweaters are now celebrated rather than fashion citations, written for their assault on the eyes because they Dressed In The Dark. Should we not try to stop parents from wearing ugly sweaters, so the children do not think that it’s OK? Oh, the children! Should we not try to protect them? Have you ever seen Chanel, Valentino, Gucci, and Hermes design ugly sweaters? No. Fashion is meant to inspire, not cause you to perspire in cheap fabric.

Would you dress your beloved dog in an ugly sweater? (Oh wait, many actually do that). Yet, we dress grandpa in an ugly sweater and call it ‘festive’. No, it is ugly. I now know the answer to why ‘Grandma was run over by a reindeer’ - She was wearing an ugly sweater, and her unusual demise was due to a Universal ‘clearing of the heard’. No one should walk around wearing ugly sweaters, it is both dangerous and ugly (remember what happened to Grandma).

I believe we should form legislation to outlaw machines that knit polyester, as it is not pretty. The world would be a prettier place without it, since no one looks good wearing polyester OR ugly sweaters. Often, many ugly sweaters are purchased far too small, making the wearer look more like a stuffed Kielbasa sausage. For decades, we had women burning their bras, yet no one has started a movement to burn ugly sweaters? Why? The combination of going braless, while wearing an ugly sweater brings levels that are beyond unacceptable. More than fringe moves in the wind when this happens. Once again I say, “It is not pretty”. Why would people want to draw attention to themselves showcasing ugly sweaters when their faces can do it for them? Another story for yet another blog.

As always, I’ll be watching.

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